my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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