you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I need to align my fucking chakras
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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