Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Randomize
