apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
