We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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