Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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