drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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