my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
