Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
