She's JV to your varsity
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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