just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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