I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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