I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
