True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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