I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
