mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my being single is dangerous.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
