I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
