the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
