you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Barsexuality is the new black.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
