with your own penis?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
