I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
