before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
