i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
