shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
