almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
