im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
