Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
