Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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