Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
