if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
