Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Welp...herpes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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