the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
