my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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