do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
