well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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