i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
