Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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