he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
