She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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