I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
