Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
