Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
