Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
