dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
