I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
