I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
