And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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