I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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