Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
