He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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