i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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