He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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