So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
